F4: The Santa-Space Conspiracy

Ten years ago, when we were all adorable little kids with ponytails and bowl cuts, we all believed in Santa (with the exception of me and my brothers).  He was the nicest, most magical guy in the world, and him breaking and entering into your house was commonly the most exciting, looked forward to time of the year.  Everyone made Christmas lists, was on their best behavior, and left out milk and cookies for Santa to eat.  Back then, magic was real, because your parents, and every other parent for that matter (with the exception of my parents), said it was. 

                Unfortunately, there came a time, at around the age of eleven or ten, when we (with the exception of me) had to come to the crushing realization that Santa Claus is a lie.  Some kids cry, others get mad at their parents for lying to them.  In third grade, I witnessed this first hand with my friend Jon Herman.  We were sitting on the bus together, and an older kid revealed the secret to him.  Jon sat there in shock, crushed.  It made me realize how big of an influence the adults in our lives had.  I came back to this revelation a couple of weeks ago, and realized something: if the middle aged generation can keep this big of a secret from their children, then why can’t the old people generation keep a secret from the middle aged generation?  The answer is: they can.  So I thought of something huge that all adults believe, and I have come to a conclusion.

                Outer space does not exist.

Think about it.  Everybody believes it, but is there any REAL evidence?  Neil Armstrong walking on the moon could have easily been fabricated in a studio, just as we watched movies with Santa Claus in them as kids.  Maybe everyone under sixty is being lied to, and when they find out, they will be disappointed, but continue the lie, just like most of you will probably do to your children.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from Jon Herman, it’s that the only way you can know things for sure is if you find out for yourself.  It’s the Santa-Space Conspiracy.