B4: An Entire Novel Compressed Into One Paragraph

There he, she, and him were and the giant, Trevor, came after him.  Oh no he was going to die but then the griffin saves him.  Then Steve dies and everyone is sad.  Then that one guy turns bad and kills that girl that I mentioned earlier.  Then the sage has an epic battle and almost loses but manages to throw a toasted almond at the bad guy which the bad guy is allergic to and the bad guy dies and then the traitor that killed that one girl kills the sage and then kills himself.  By the way that guy in the beginning’s name is JOE or Ben or something.  Then JOE or Ben or whoever he is marries that one girl the traitor killed’s sister, and her name is Lisa or Anne or something that has four letters in it and they have a baby who is the chosen one.  But they can’t keep the baby because BEN or Joe or whatever promised him to Steve’s sister CARLY, who was at a funeral for Steve and then the griffin flew in and told her that her brother’s friend’s husband had a baby.  What she DIDN’T know was that he was in the woods with that one guy in the VERY BEGINNING who was standing with Ben or JOE and that one girl who got killed when Trevor the giant was chasing after him.  Anyway HE had a really long beard with rats living in it, and Ben or JOE and Lisa or Anne’s baby who was the chosen one DID NOT APPRECIATE THAT BEARD.  So one day while the guy with the beard with the rats in it at the VERY BEGINNING was training that guy who didn’t like his beard who was also the chosen one, the chosen one raised his fist in the air and set it on fire and also killed the guy WITH the beard full of rats.  Meanwhile CARLY went to Ben or JOE and Lisa’s house and threatened to kill Ben or JOE if Anne or Lisa didn’t tell him where their baby was, which was promised to her by BEN/Joe.  But Anne/Lisa wouldn’t tell CARLY where the baby was, so CARLY killed Joe-ben and then Trevor, who was sleep-walking with a weapon, stepped through the roof of their house and also stepped on CARLY, who died two days later.  Anne-Lisa was so sad about her husband dying that she almost jumped off a cliff, but at the last second her son reunited with her and made everything better by shooting PURE GOODNESS out of his hands because he was the chosen one.  Then he killed the griffin because it was a tattle-tale and everyone lived happily ever after and then it’s the end.  I think.