I1: New Year's Resolution

My New Year’s Resolution this year is to turn sixteen years old.  I tried doing this last year, but I barely missed by one year.  This year, I’m sure I can do it.  I’m back, I’m hungry for retribution, and I’ve learned from my mistakes last year so that I can achieve my goal this year.  I’m pumped.  I know I can do this.

Last year, I wasn’t ready.  I think the reason for my failure is that I was too young to take on such a hard task.  This year I am much older and ready to give it one more shot.  I only have one chance to achieve my goal: at 6:00 in the morning on June seventh.  It has to be exactly then, otherwise I’d cause a paradox and the planet would implode on itself.

Turning sixteen is important to me for many reasons.  One of the reasons is that it makes me grow up and become sixteen.  Once I am sixteen, I can drive around in a car.  Now that I think about it, that is the only reason turning sixteen is cool. 

Of course, it is also necessary for me to age, which is another reason I am determined to do this.  I mean, if I don’t turn sixteen on June seventh this year, will I ever turn sixteen?  How does that even work? 

Last year, I told my friends about my goal and they were all like, “You will never turn sixteen.  Ha haha ha.  What a fool to think that he can turn sixteen.”

We are mortal enemies now.  I must prove each and every one of them wrong.  I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when I walk up to them on my birthday and show them my birth certificate.  Then I will rub it in their faces and drive my car over them.