L1: Favorite Super Bowl Memory

What’s with all these people asking people to write blogs about their favorite super bowl memory?  What does anyone ever do on the superhero besides watch the super bowl?  In my opinion, this blog is a waste of time, and I’m willing to bet that everybody else’s blogs about their favorite super bowl memory involve something along the lines of winning five dollars off of a bet, or going over to a friend’s house to watch TV.  I’m also willing to bet that those blogs are boring as H E double hockey sticks, so whoever made us write about this needs to get it together.

That said, I am not going to write about my “favorite super bowl memory”, because it’s probably the time that I found a chip between the cushions that didn’t have lint on it.  Instead, I am going to write about how there are no black superheroes.  Ahem.

Think of a random superhero right now.  Got it?  Okay, now think of another one.  Got it?  Remember who you’re thinking of, now.  Okay, now think of one more.

Now examine the three superheroes you picked.  Chances are, not one of them is black! 

Are we racist or what?!  Think about that; no black superheroes!  At least, not very many.  The only ones I could think of were Frozone from the Incredibles, who has ice powers, Static Shock, an old character from a TV show who could control electricity, and Falcon, Captain America’s flying sidekick who I found by looking in my Glow in the Dark Marvel Sticker Book.  If you think about it, these guys don’t really have that good of powers.  I seem to recall that in the movie The Incredibles, when they’re battling the robot thing, all Frozone does is make ice walls that the robot goes RIGHT THROUGH.  All Falcon can do is fly, and Superman can do that, plus melt Falcon’s face with lasers.  Static Shock is okay, but everyone knows that all you need is rubber to defeat him.  It’s science, people.

L3: What Makes Me Angry

Do you want to know what makes me mad?  Do ya?!  DO YA!??!?

 

It’s that derned T-Mobile girl.  Why, you might ask, does the T-Mobile girl make me mad?  Many reasons. 

The first reason comes from one of the T-Mobile commercials.  In it, T-Mobile girl is at a rooftop concert in her motorcycle outfit.  There’s the first problem.  Why is she in a motorcycle outfit?  Did she ride a motorcycle onto the roof?  And why is T-Mobile so obsessed with her wearing a motorcycle outfit?  In EVERY COMMERCIAL she has a motorcycle outfit, even if she’s not riding a motorcycle.  Anyway, she’s at a rooftop concert, and she’s filming it with her T-Mobile phone.  Then she sends the video to her friends, who get this, are also at the concert.  Seriously, they’re right there in the crowd, and they take out their phones and start watching the video OF THE CONCERT THEY’RE AT.  How stupid is that?

But it gets worse.  After she sends the video to her friends, she walks over to the edge of the roof, and points her phone at a huge Jumbotron TV that is on the side of a building.  She then taps her phone, and the Jumbotron starts playing the video of the concert.  You can’t do that!  Can you imagine what people could do if they could make the Times Square Jumbotron play any video they want?  I call false advertising.

Ever since they introduced T-Mobile Girl’s motorcycle outfit, they have been getting progressively more unrealistic.  In one commercial, she all of a sudden has a Batcave to keep her motorcycle in!  Seriously, if you watch Batman, that big white hallway with the low ceiling where he keeps his weapons looks exactly like T-Mobile girl’s place.  And on the walls of her Batcave, there are like thousands of phones, just stuck to the wall.  So she’s also a hoarder!

And now she has a helicopter.  Okay, I get that the motorcycle was supposed to represent T-Mobile being fast, but what’s with the helicopter?  Maybe she’s trying to scope out a place where she can put all of her hoarded phones.

L2: What Am I Afraid Of?

Spiders.  Blegh.

Oppan gangnam style
Gangnam Style

Naje-neun ttasaroun inkanjeo-gin yeoja
Keopi hanjanye yeoyureuraneun pumkyeok i-nneun yeoja
Bami omyeon shimjangi tteugeowojineun yeoja
Keureon banjeon i-nneun yeoja

Naneun sana-i
Naje-neun neomankeum ttasaroun geureon sana-i
Keopi shikgido jeone wonsyas ttaerineun sana-i
Bami omyeon shimjangi teojyeobeorineun sana-i
Keureon sana-i

Areumdawo sarangseureowo
Keurae neo hey keurae baro neo hey

Areumdawo sarangseureowo
Keurae neo hey keurae baro neo hey

Chigeumbu-teo kal dekkaji kabol-kka

Oppan gangnam style

Gangnam style

Oppan gangnam style

Gangnam style

Oppan gangnam style

Eh- sexy lady
Oppan gangnam style
Eh- sexy lady
O-oo-o

Jeongsu-khae boijiman nol ttaen noneun yeoja
Ittaeda shipeumyeon mukkeot-deon meori puneun yeoja
Karyeot-jiman wen-manhan nochulboda yahan yeoja
Keureon gamkakjeo-gin yeoja

Naneun sana-i
Jeomjanha boijiman nol ttaen noneun sana-i
Ttae-ga dwehmyeon wahnjeon michyeobeorineun sana-i
Keunyukboda sasangi ul-tungbul-tung-han sana-i
Keureon sana-i

Areumdawo sarangseureowo
Keurae neo hey keurae baro neo hey

Areumdawo sarangseureowo
Keurae neo hey keurae baro neo hey

Chigeumbu-teo kal dekkaji kabol-kka

Oppan gangnam style

Gangnam style

Oppan gangnam style

Gangnam style

Oppan gangnam style

Eh- sexy lady
Oppan gangnam style

Eh- sexy lady
O-oo-o

Ttwiineun nom keu wiie naneun nom
Baby baby
Naneun mwol jom aneun nom

Ttwiineun nom keu wiie naneun nom
Baby baby
Naneun mwol jom aneun nom

You know what i'm saying

Oppan gangnam style

Eh- sexy lady
Oppan gangnam

Eh- sexy lady
Oppan gangnam style

K4: The Rocket House

“Hey, Bill.”

“Hey.”

“How are things?”

“Good. Good.”

“What are you up to these days?”

“Oh, the usual.  Can’t find my wife lately.”

“Karen?”

“Yep. That’s the one.”

“Hm.”

“Hey, would you look at that?”

“What?”

“Next to that big weather vane.”

“The chimney?”

“No, no, to the right of the big weather vane.”

“Oh, you mean the house that’s violently shaking and making an earsplitting noise?”

“Yep. That’s the one.”

“I’ll be derned.  It’s shooting up into the sky.”

“Hm.”

“Would you look at those flames.”

“Hm.”

“Like a little rocket.”

“A house rocket.”

“Yeah.”

“Say, that looks an awful lot like your house, doesn’t it.”

“Hm.  No. My house is three stories and it doesn’t have an attic.”

“…No. No, it is only two stories. And I’ve been in your attic.”

“Really?”

“Hm.”

“Isn’t my house blue? I would never paint my house white. Too bland.”

“Nope. Your house is white. I remember because when you took me into your attic, you said, ‘My house is white.’”

“You sure?”

“Yep. White is your favorite color because it sounds like ‘kite’.

“Hm. I do like a good kite.”

“Say, I wonder where it’s headed.”

“Yeah.  Space?”

“No, I think the oxygen would escape.”

“Shut the windows. Duh.”

“Hm.”

“Hm.”

“Yep.”

“Any idea how your house got up there?”

“Nope. Do you?”

“Nope.”

“Actually, my kid was doing something with those…uh…things he had.”

“What things, now?”

“Mmmmmmm… rocket engines. That’s it. He was messing around with a few of those.”

“Hm. I didn’t know you had a son.”

“What?”

“I said I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“I don’t.”

“You just said that you did.”

“Oh. Right.  Him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ah. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Karen would know.”

“She’s missing.  She’s a ghost, remember?”

“Right, right.”

 

 

 

 

K1: The Ghost Ship

“What’s that, Bill?”

“What’s what?”

“That thing.”

“What thing?”

“That thing on the water.”

“What thing on the water?”

“The thing next to the buoy.”

“That’s seaweed.”

“Not to the left of the buoy, to the right of the buoy.”

“Oh.  That’s a ghost ship.”

“A ghost ship?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So, how’s the wife?”

“She got kidnapped by ghosts, remember?”

“Oh yeah.  Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I hear she has a job now.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

“What type of job would a ghost have?”

“I don’t know.  Terrorist, ship captain…”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Yep.”

“Hey look.  The ghost ship is coming closer.”

“Oh yeah.  I wonder what they want.”

“Maybe they want food.”

“You got any food?”

“Nah.”

“Hm.”

“I don’t think ghosts eat much, anyway.  Except for souls and stuff.”

“It’s getting closer.”

“What is?”

“The ghost ship.”

“Hm.  Oh yeah.”

“Are the Ghostbusters real?”

“What?”

“The Ghostbusters.  I know they made a movie that was fake, but are they actually a thing?”

“Hm.”

“Meh.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know.  I was thinking maybe we should call them.”

“Yeah, they are really close now.”

“Hey, that one kind of looks like Karen.”

“Who’s Karen?”

“Dude, it’s your wife.”

“Oh yeah.”

“She’s saying something.”

“Who?”

“Karen.”

“Is that Karen?”

“I don’t know, it kind of looks like her.”

“What’s she saying?”

“Shhh.”

“Why?”

“I’m lip reading.”

“Why do you need me to be quiet when you’re-

“Shhh.”

“What did she say?”

“I’m not sure.  Something like ‘I am your life’ or ‘I am your knife’ or something.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“Did you say ‘OOOOOOOOOOOOO’?”

“Oh, no, that was the ghost.”

“Why do they do that?”

“Do what?”

“Go ‘OOOOOOOOOOO’?”

“OOOOOOOOO.”

“No, I mean why do ghosts do that?”

“I think it’s because they have a really short memory span, so they’re amazed at everything.”

“Kind of like a goldfish?”

“Yeah, but goldfish don’t go ‘OOOOOOOOO’.”

“But their mouths are always open, like ‘whoah’.”

“Hey, the ghost ship is gone.”

“Well, ghosts will do that to you.”

“Well, see you Bill.”

“Yep, I should be getting home to my wife now.”

“Dude.”

“What?”

 

 

 

 

K3: Where is the Room?

Hello.  Welcome to Crap Quality Last Minute Blogs.  I’m your host, Ben Hoy. 

Ah.  Here we have a black and white picture of room.  The wallpaper in the room has birds all over it, along with leaves.  The window is open, and a pleasant breeze is blowing into the room.  Actually, I’m not sure if it’s pleasant.  For all I know, there could be gale-force winds blowing through that window.

Yeah, they are gale-force winds!  I figured that out because, as you can see, a little bird is smacked against the wall.  The wind from outside must have blown him through the window in mid-flight.

But hold on.  If the winds were that strong, wouldn’t the curtains be ripped off or blowing a lot harder than they are in the picture?  It all depends on where the picture takes place, if you think about it.

There seem to be mountains outside the window.  They are very big and rocky, and continue all the way to the horizon line.  This means that the location of this picture is somewhere near or on a mountain range.  That numbers out a lot of places, but still leaves many possibilities: the Andes, the Catskills, the Rockies, the Himalayas, the Alps... Hm. 

Ah!  But if we observe our picture more, we can see that there is a radiator in the room.  This means that it is located in some place cold, which eliminates the Andes, which are located in South America.  Also, since the mountains have no snow on them, we can eliminate the Alps, because they are constantly snowy.  That leaves the Himalayas, Rockies, and Catskills.

Wait.  It’s the Himalayas.  Think about it.  Who lives in the Himalayas?  Monks.  And what do monks have?  Silk Curtains.  And what type of winds do silk curtains need to blow?  I don’t know, but I’m at three hundred words.  Thank you for reading Crap Quality Last Minute Blogs.