M2: Distracted Driving

Let’s set the stage. 

Matt Lahowski, lovable yet quirky teenager, is coming home from his water aerobics class.  It’s late, and cold, and he wants to get home as soon as possible.  Like I said, he’s late, so he pulls out his phone and texts his mom,

Srry m l8.  H2o rbics wnt xtra lng.  Lurve u mom.  (M8k-t sound in 8) me sndwch.  Blgna plz.  w/ mstrd n mynnse.  Lso f’u kood (m8k-t sound in 8) me hmmde slshy tht wd b (icecube-cube+n in the beginning f tht wrd).  Thrs prpl Kool aid n th frdge, so u cud jst pt it n a cp n then pt the cp n th frzr.  K lurve u mum LOL :D ;P.

Now, as Matt was creating this text, he was walking home.  Now obviously he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, and poor lovable yet quirky Matt accidentally wandered into the interstate. 

Upon sending his text, he looked up and realized he was where he was.  But it was too late, because a semi plowed into him, splattering lovable yet quirky guts all over the road and the grill of the truck.

This story has a moral, ladies and gentlemen, because the person driving that semi had an alcohol before he went out and hit Matt Lahowski.

Let’s have a moment of silence for Matt Lahowski.

And now for a plot twist, because the story is far from over.  Get ready: the driver of the semi was matt Lahowski’s mother, and was reading his text as she mowed him to the ground.  Gasp!  But the story STILL isn’t over, because as Matt Lahowski’s mom was wondering why her child’s glasses were stuck to the windshield of her semi with bile, she banked off a guard rail and her semi did a barrel roll.

Don’t text and drive.

[whiplash noise]

Or drive after doing an alcohol.

[less awesome whiplash noise]